Influence, Don’t Impose: The Art of Harmonizing with Your Surroundings

מנהג המקום (Minhag HaMakom*) is a concept in Jewish law that when there are multiple practices and traditions, one should act according to the tradition of the place, out of respect for the community and its people. This principle carries a deeper wisdom beyond law—it speaks to the way we interact with our environments.

Too often, we force ourselves upon new spaces, seeking to reshape them in ways that feel familiar. It’s a human tendency, a way to create comfort and a sense of safety. But what if, instead of imposing, we paused and allowed ourselves to be aligned by tuning in to the existing resonance of a place? After all, it was this energy that attracted you to this space—and it was you who attracted that energy too. It might teach you a thing or two if you allow it to.

Patience is a power as well as a virtue, and it bears good fruit. By giving yourself time to observe and align, you can discern which aspects of the new environment are truly a part of you and which are not. When you act from this place of understanding and receiving, you influence rather than impose. You also create a space for learning, growth, and deeper understanding by showing humility and a willingness to be influenced as well. For true influence is not forceful; it is an organic exchange, a dialogue rather than a demand.

There is a constant shift between objects and people, between the self, oneself, and the surroundings. Let it happen. The combination of forces might be to your liking, offering something you didn’t even know you needed. And if resistance or friction arises, then you have a decision to make: succumb, become, or be gone. But first—give it a chance. Let the interaction unfold. The right balance may be waiting for you, if you allow it.

* "Minhag HaMakom" (מנהג המקום), or "the custom of the place," is a principle in Jewish law requiring adherence to local religious practices to maintain communal harmony. The Talmud states, 'A person should not deviate [from local custom] to avoid discord' (Pesachim 50b). This applies to prayer, dietary laws, and holidays, with new residents generally expected to follow local traditions (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah 214:2)